THE COMING ESSENTIALS - AN INSTRUCTION MANUAL

There are going to be some essential items needed in the future, quite possibly the near future, and back in the old days, these items were commonplace and so construction of these items was not necessary. However, today, with modern conveniences, some instructions are required.

Consider the following scenario. The Congress refuses to face the fact that Obama is a raging narcissist, a mental case and out of control. Obama decides to simply bypass Congress once more in raising the debt limit (like he hinted to La Raza), and declares the Constitution null and void and he is making the laws now (again, as he hinted to La Raza). Americans from sea to shining sea arise in righteous anger. You find yourself in a mob of angry Americans, marching on the Capitol, maybe the White House, and need three critical items.

Number one, a torch. In a situation like this, this is job numero uno. A must have. Things like chapstick, candle wax, and pocket lint, along with some spare clothing, ripped into strips (think Rambo in First Blood in the cave), and a good stout stick are the ingredients. Step one, grab a fairly thick branch or stick and tie a piece of cloth (a hanky, bandanna, your skivvies, etc, and tie it around one end. You can use that chapstick as a slow-burning fuel, or semi-dry grass, fat from a lib, etc., and then gather the bark from a tree, those cherry trees in DC would work, and then tie more strips of cloth around that, forming a fairly tight bundle, but with some airspace for the burn. Save a little of the chapstick to rub on the outside to help ignition. Flic your bic and "Houston, we have ignition." If you can, make a couple of extra torches if possible, in case a fellow patriot shows up empty handed and needs one.

Number two, a pitchfork. Again, in the old days when America was mainly an agrarian society, these were a commonplace item but they can still be nabbed at your local feed store, antique shop, local home improvement shop, or your neighbor's garage! For the inner-city folks, a pitchfork is an agricultural implement that is used to handle items like hay, straw, and food for liberals, i.e., manure. The pitchfork has three, four tines, or six tines on the end of a long handle with the six tine model being the best for jabbing fast assed politicians in the ass, with three tines per cheek for faster moving! Early models appeared around the 1300's in the Middle Ages and were often used by early angry mobs protesting a tyrant, not unlike what we now have in the White House.

Test the point on the tines and if they are dull, you can use a hand file or a portable grinder to throw a point on those bad boys. Jabbing a liberal or RINO politician in the ass, with dull tines, is considered bad ju-ju. Our politicians are used to the finest of everything in life, courtesy of the US taxpayer and this includes getting stuck in the ass with sharp tines from a pitchfork, wielded by a aggravated taxpayer. Remember, a pitchfork is a must for spurring reluctant politicians towards the third requirement.

Number three, hot tar. The right tar for the application on politicians is a thick dark brown or black liquid from the distillation of bituminous coal. When cold, it is thick and hard to spread, thus slowing up the processing of tyrants and traitors towards the bed of chicken or turkey feathers and again, this is bad form. Thus, it must be heated and those extra torches can come in handy here OR, if there happens to be a roofing truck nearby, check it for a roofing kettle that can be used to heat up that tar to a nice warm mixture perfect for the application on liberals and RINOs. In fact, there might even be blocks of tar in that truck to resupply the kettle when it runs low. Remember that if the tar is too hot, the lib might pass out before getting to the feathers thus slowing up the line (not cool), and if it is too cold, it won't spread nicely, so take a liberal or RINO piece of crap politician as a test subject and use the finger test. Make them dunk a finger in the mix (apply the pitchfork as necessary) and if they scream, it is too hot, if they don't, it is too cold, but if they wince, it is perfect.

As for the feathers, these can be gathered along the path, usually from bed stores, etc. Have a nice pile at the end of the line ready for these scummy politicians to roll around in and the job is complete. See you there.