Monday, March 14, 2011

THAT PESKY 3 AM PHONE CALL

An insider at the White House sent the Gunny a voicemail from The Community Organizer-in-Chief's answering machine.

(phone call from Japanese PM after their recent quake)

"You have reached the phone of President Obama. At the tone, please leave your message and I will get back to you as soon as possible or listen to the following menu items.

If you are the leader of a sovereign nation and desire me to bow to you, press 1 now.

If this is an emergency, please press 2. I have an early tee time and will get back to you as soon as possible, or, maybe, never.

If you are a high school student and would like me to speak at your high school commencement, please hang up and dial, 800 555-1234 and you can inform my social secretary, who will set it up.

If you are experiencing high gas prices, press 3 to hear me blame Bush for it.

If you are out of work, press 4 to hear me blame Bush for it and offer condolences.

If you wish to donate to my reelection fund, hang up and dial 800 CROOKED for help sending me your money.

If you wish to hear my various lies on the economy, press 5 for a selection of my personal favorites.

If you wish to hear Michelle scold you for eating a Big Mac, hang up and dial 800 WOOKIE.

If you wish to enquire about my AWOL birth certificate, hand up and dial 800 UGTPLYD.

If you are a Muslim and want me to pray at your mosque, press 6 now.

If you are a member of the Muslim Brotherhood and wish to emigrate to America, press 7.

If you are an oil company wishing to drill in America, hang up and dial 800 KISSOFF.

If you wish to review my resume, hang up and dial 800 EMTSUIT now.

If you are a Mexican drug cartel and needs guns, hang up and call Janet Napolitano at the DHS or the ATF for immediate service at our low-low prices.

For all other needs, leave a message and I'll get back to you after my next vacation or golf match, whichever occurs first.


"GOTTA RUN, MY GOLF CART IS DOUBLE PARKED!"

4 comments:

  1. Sounds about right.

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  2. Like Clyde said...

    BTW, I read English version foreign news and the rest of the world also thinks Zero is an epic fail. We have plenty of company. The only ones that won't admit it is our own left.

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  3. Hardnox & Clyde are right.

    Of course the rest of the world they are talking about still have a mostly competent education system in place.
    Places that think Zero is a 10 reside mostly on the African continent

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  4. Next it will be answered by a Pakistani Call Center, who will assure the caller that all is well and Obama will call you back, if you only promise to vote for him.

    ReplyDelete